So i'm not sure...but i think this is only fun if you guys say something...and not just see me talk/write/blog. I wanna hear your feedback.

Hmmmm...lets see...trying to configure some thoughts of how i'm gonna put this one out...OK let's just do it. Well tonight i went to Claremont colleges, that's like Scripps, Harvy Mudd, Pomona, etc. colleges. They are all in a half mile radius and almost act as one large campus. Anyways, Tommy Dyo spoke there tonight. He talked on evangelism. Very cool. There were definitely some kewl people there that i met. After Tommy spoke we broke up into groups pertaining to where we were at with acting to start bible studies, seeker studies, etc. The staffer i had, his name was John, was very kewl. He was talking about seeker studies, things to look for, things to do, ways to prepare, what to expect. Now i'm not planning to lead a seekers study, but more take this info and use it to how i can build relationships with seekers and do one on one's, help them become interested, etc. I totally felt a pull from God in this area. Almost an excitement. John past out these bible study outlines that revolve around different movies. They are soooooo kewl. I was telling Tommy how cool it was and he said there were classes at Fuller for that sorta stuff. If i were to go into ministry I would definitely take a look at that area. Theology in multi-media or something like that. I came across one study that revolved around the movie "City of Angels"...Meg Ryan and Nicholas Cage. Have you seen it? Pretty good flick. The cool thing was that i came to it at random and it's crazy cuz the topic is like this phase that i continue to go through.

So you know that scene where Meg Ryan is doing that open heart surgery?
When she lost her patient and after she broke the news to the family she went into the stairwell and cried. She said "The room got so big and I got so small. How did I get so small?" she said i shoulda done this i've done that "I lost it..." Meg gets a total reality check. She loses control of the situation and feels completely helpless. As humans we are such control freaks, but when we actually for serious realize that we can't control our own world...it sucks. The cool thing is that the One who does control our lives loves us beyond what we can feel.

Nicholas Cage then meets her in the hallway not much later and says "Are you in dispair?" Meg says "i lost a patient" Nicholas Cage tries to make Meg realize that it wasn't her fault. She says "i wanted my patient to live" He responds " He is living, just not the way think..." Meg then says "I don't believe in that" "Some things are true whether you believe in them or not," Nick responds. Some things are true...whether you believe in them or not...

They later meet in the library they talk and he says "you're a good doctor" she says "how do you know?" he says " i have a feeling" she says "that's pretty flimsy evidence" he says "close your eyes" as she closes her eyes he takes her hand and runs his finger down your palm. "what am i doing?" he asks. "you're touching me" she says he says "how do you know?" she says "i feel it." Coming to the realization...she feels it she opens her eyes and looks at him. "you should trust that...you don't trust that enough" he says. Do we trust God enough? Do we go on our on whim when we feel God telling us to do the opposite? How do we let the stuff sink in and really effect us that is supposed to? There's so much more i want to say, but i'm getting tired. Conclusion?

Free will. It is a beautiful reality. We have the choice to live a life with ourselves at the core of it, where we make our own decisions, be in control.
Or...we can chose to respond to these "feelings" these nudges from God. Where we allow our hearts to be receptive to His call, His voice, His love.

You know what i want? You know the feeling of helplessness when you take off in an airplane? You feel completely helpless! You are a gazillion feet up in the air and anything can happen. The truth is, it's just flat out scary, but the other half of the truth is that there is something bigger than me out there, a Creator with plans for the good. We have no control. That's what i want to feel for my life in general, whether i'm on an airplane or i'm sittin in a lecture hall fallin asleep.

You guys should check out this movie and just see how cool it is. There are so many other avenues that you could go with this movies. Not just the theme of no control. :) Thanks for readin.

Now here's a doozy. So Micah decided to go to disneyland tonight. As Jeff Lam and Micah walked into the park we noticed a lot...i mean a lot of red shirts just scattered everywhere. I was like...hmmm red....oh! there was an Angel's game today! You know you figure Angels, Disney, blah. right? Then comes the better part. I soon took notice that the majority of these people wearing red...were gay. Now this could've been just total coincidence...could've. So we're standing there watching Fantasmic and the whole gay and red shirts things is just irritating me. THEN! these two women walk right by me holding hands and on their red shirts it says in big bold disney letters..."GAY DAY" That's right folks I had no idea...why don't people tell me about these things. No, but wait it gets better trust me. Guess who decided to wear a red shirt today...ME. Sick. So i guess on "Gay Day" they have some sort of club concert goin on back behind Big Thunder Mountain. I go check it out naturally cuz if you know me...club/rave music just sucks me in...ok ok it wasn't the music it was the gay people....not. So i just walk by casually then it gets really uncomfortable for me cuz there is just more and more gay people as i get closer to the party. Then. This family walk along side of me. A mother, father, and two kids. The mother looks at me then at my red shirt...and she snears at me!!! Can you believe that!??! I so wanted to say..."OK so this was a bad day to wear a red shirt" Like she would believe me!!! Catch 22 there. Anyways so ya that was just hilarious and quite embarrassing. Let me tell you though. It is just such a gross feeling when you're around so much gayage. i dunno. That's just me.